- by Michael!
So, we usually switch writers between blog posts. Not always, but usually. This week was going to be Joanie's, and it's REALLY good, but you'll have to wait another week because I honestly couldn't justify not putting this story up as soon as possible.
This is real life, folks. I haven't had two or three or ten years to embellish this. The following dialogue occurred this past Saturday while I was visiting my parents - I have not had a week, a year, a decade to embellish and expand upon this story. In the immortal words of Dave Barry, "I can't make this up."
(Scene: Immediately before dinner. Dad and I are standing shoulder to shoulder, backs erect, as though comparing height. There is no purpose to this, mind you. We are simply being weird for no particular reason.)
Me: Um, what are we doing?
Dad: I have no idea.
Mom: Well, what you're not doing is looking like father and son. You two just look nothing alike. (Side-note: I agree. I look nothing like my Dad. Or my Mom. Seriously, nothing alike. What gives? Anyway, back to the story.)
Dad: (turns around so that his back is facing my mother) How about from this angle?
Me: No, I have a much nicer butt.
Dad: Pshaw! As if!
Mom: Well, honey, it's more that he actually *has* one...
(Laughter, most of it uncomfortable, most of it from me. We set the table, still giggling, then gather around it to say the blessing, for which we traditionally hold hands.)
Dad: Father, I thank You for my beautiful wife and for my sons and my daughter. We pray that you would bless us as we share a meal together and give us the strength to follow You in all things. In Christ's name, Amen. (Leans to kiss Mom.) You're my sweetie. (Looks at me.) You're just a fat-ass.
Naturally, I disputed the charge and took a picture.
See? Nothing alike.