The Summoning Dance of the Married Couple who Want to Leave a Party

- by Joanie!

A soon-to-be-produced nature video:

Often in nature, the married couple finds themselves at a social gathering. Communicating when one is prepared to leave said social gathering has led to a remarkable evolution in this exceptionally remarkable species.

The couple may be separated briefly, by acquisition of food or drink, relieving oneself in the restroom, or by the dreaded repetitive story or joke told by one member of the marriage, prompting the other to quickly find another room to avoid hearing that stupid story one more time.

Additionally, one member of the marriage may be deep in conversation with a friend or colleague when the other member decides that it is time to leave the party. The reasons for leaving the party have a wide range, and therefore, the behavior of this species can vary significantly in the attempt to draw the mate’s attention and exit with haste.

The more extravagant the spouse who wishes to leave is, the more likely he or she will be noticed. This may anger or irritate the other spouse, as they may be mid-conversation. Some types of this species favor the open floor of a room to draw attention, making physical motions towards the door. These motions, while noticeable, are the most likely to result in a verbal spat in the car on the way home for embarrassing behavior.

Other members of this species prefer to slink past their mate repeatedly, using small eye movements to indicate that they have had enough social interaction. This quick movement may be confused for the opportunity to mingle more with other party guests.

In others, one member will bring the other their least favorite kind of party cheese or pronounce the bar to be out of a favorite cocktail. Often, this is a pre-arranged code, a means for one spouse to say, “let’s get the [expletive deleted] out of here” without arousing suspicion or ire from hosts or other guests.

Some couples are ready to leave at more or less the same time, but find it difficult to communicate in the throes of a wilder social gathering. In these situations, the two circle one another more and more closely, as in the mating rituals of birds or leopard slugs. Eventually they have the opportunity to whisper “good God, it’s time to go.” Finally, their strange balletic relationship comes to an end.

The couple makes their goodbyes, arranges for transportation, and returns to their dwelling.